


All Paths Lead to Home

by ArtemisRae42



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I promise this is endgame Buddie, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Post-Lawsuit AU, The lawsuit was shit but it wasn't all on Buck, but there's gonna be other ships along the way, no beta we die like that poor artist on the pier, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRae42/pseuds/ArtemisRae42
Summary: Seven years after the tsunami and lawsuit, Evan Buckley finally returns to Los Angeles to settle things with 118.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Character(s), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 101
Kudos: 309





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in that Buck left LA after Bobby's benching him on his return. While this is absolutely endgame Buddie, there are other relationships featured for both of them along the way.
> 
> Please note that while I agree Buck's decision to pursue the lawsuit was stupid, I do not think it was entirely his fault--the others are at fault too and the fact there was never actual apologizing from the others for that has always annoyed me. So expect that to come through in small ways.
> 
> Also, thanks to the crew over at the Buddie discord for help with the title!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart, don't fail me now!

“I want you to do something for me,” she had said, face sunken and gaunt. Her skin had been pale, her lips with a tinge of blue, yet he still thought her the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

“Of course, anything,” he’d said, grabbing her hand gently, leaning forward to push her limp auburn hair out of her face. She’d taken a deep breath through the canola under her nose, eyes sharper than they’d been in weeks. 

“You may not like saying that after you hear…what I have to say,” she’d warned, having to stop and breath in deeply halfway through her sentence. 

“Nothing you could ask me to do is too much,” he had said and gently clinked his wedding band against hers, which she had been wearing around her neck since it had become too big to fit on her hand. “For better or worse, remember?” 

Her lips had quirked faintly. 

“I want to meet them.” 

And just like that, Evan Buckley’s entire world had tipped on its axis for what seemed like the millionth time in his life.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courage, don't fail me now.

Chapter 1

Station 118 had not changed, was his first thought when he parked in front of the building. Everything there was just as he remembered it—even the bay doors being wide open so anyone could just wander in. Even the vehicles in the parking lot, though clearly showing the passage of time, were the same. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or upset that they were all on duty. He’d been half hoping the entire crew would be on one of their days off. It didn’t appear to be the case and he wasn’t sure he was really ready to face them all. 

He knew he himself had changed. He wasn’t the same knuckleheaded young man he’d been when he left. In addition to so much having happened to him the last few years, he barely even looked the same some days. He had long ago stopped trying to tame the curls like he had for so long and he wasn’t as meticulous about his beard—it was fairly thick at present, in fact, but most of that was because he practically lived at the hospital nowadays. Part of him wondered if anyone would even recognize him when he did finally get the courage to walk into that building. 

He pulled out his cell and typed a quick text. 

_I’m here._

Evan Buckley hadn’t been back to the LAFD in years, not since the ill-thought lawsuit had destroyed everything he’d held dear. He’d given up everything to get back to the 118, back to his family, but it had been for nothing. At the end of the day, his actions had been too much for them and he was never going to get back what he’d lost the day he walked into Mackey’s office. 

Or at least, that’s how he’d viewed it the day he’d walked into Chief Alonzo’s office and resigned. The Chief had tried talking him out of it—he’d been on Buck’s side once everything had been out in the open and he had even offered to transfer him to another house across the city from the 118—but Buck had been resolute. He couldn’t stay in Los Angeles, always worrying about turning a corner and seeing one of them. 

Years later he’d realized what he’d really been doing—running away from the pain they’d caused. 

He’d also realized, though years of therapy and his wife’s consistent and firm “I’m-not-nagging”, that he had not been the only one at fault in that mess. They had played their parts too. The realization hadn’t been enough for him to reach out to them all but it had allowed him to let go of a lot of the anger and resentment that had built up. He was healthier and happier for it. 

His phone buzzed and he looked down to find he’d gotten a reply. 

_You’re still in the car, aren’t you?_

Huffing at how well the women in his life knew him, he typed out a reply. 

_Nope._

_Liar._

_What if this is a mistake?_

The response was swift. 

_It’s not. It’s time to face them, Evan._

A second buzz quickly followed. 

_At the very least, show them what they missed out on. Show them pictures of the kids that could have been their family_

_As usual, you’re right. Thank you, Maddie._

_What are big sisters for? I’ll see you tonight._

Knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer as he was already risking them getting called out, he silenced his phone and then grabbed the photos he’d printed out at May’s insistence once he’d called to tell her what he was going to do. She’d been adamant that they needed to see that their actions hadn’t broken him. He still wasn’t sure about the connotations of that comment and he also wasn’t sure he _wanted_ to know, especially given he knew how much she and Bobby had fought in the initial months of him leaving.

Walking up the drive, he could just make out the normal sounds of a firehouse, of the people inside laughing and joking and talking and just plain living. Someone was using a hose, wiping down what appeared to be mud on the fender of the ladder truck—it wasn’t someone he recognized. Two others he did recognize were near the door that led to the front office—Addison Alexander and Alayna Doyle. The former was their administrative assistant and the latter was a paramedic who had typically worked B shift when he’d still been there. They had been talking as he stepped into the building, crossing that invisible threshold that meant he couldn’t go back. 

Addison was the first to see him, Alayna having her back to him, and he couldn’t help the small smile at the way her eyes widened in shock before filling with tears. Without a word, she pushed past the other woman to throw herself at Buck. 

“Oof!” he grunted, not having expected the movement. He should have, he thought wryly to himself, as his arms instinctively came around her back in a hug. She had been one of the few who had been 100 percent on his side after he came back from the lawsuit—to the point where he knew she’d tried quitting herself when she’d found out Buck had resigned. He wished, now, he had kept in contact with her instead of dropping her the way he did everyone at the LAFD. 

He looked down at her with a fond smile as she pulled back from him, her arms still stubbornly holding him in place as if he would disappear if she let go. 

“Hi,” he said, amused despite himself. 

“You’re late,” she told him flatly and he barked out a startled laugh. 

“It’s good to see you too, Ace,” he said, and her eyes filled with tears again before she dove back to snuggling his chest. 

“Good to see you’re in one piece, Buckley,” Alayna said, having come over to them. He nodded at her over Addison’s head, but before he could say anything to the paramedic another voice made him freeze in his tracks. 

“Buck?”


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't turn back now that we're here

Well. Shit. 

Gently untangling himself from Addison, he swallowed heavily before turning to find Chim standing there, gaping at him. Coming up behind him was Hen, looking like she’d just seen a ghost. Bobby and Eddie weren’t anywhere to be seen but everyone in the immediate vicinity had gone quiet, either recognizing him or recognizing that this was a Moment. 

“Hey,” he said lamely. 

Chim sputtered at him. Hen just continued staring. It was a bit unnerving. 

“Well!” Alayna broke in then, getting everyone’s attention. “I’m just gonna go let B Shift know we’re gonna get started a little sooner than planned, shall I?” 

She tugged on Addison’s hand, clearly trying to give them all some privacy, but the admin planted herself next to him. 

“Do you want me to stay?” she asked him bluntly, looking up at his face and ignoring the others. “Cause I can stay.” 

“No,” he said after a moment of warring with himself. He knew it was the end of her day and he really should do this alone anyway. He did appreciate the offer though and he gave her a small smile. “Go home to Tommy. Enjoy your night.” 

She eyed him suspiciously. “How’d you know about me and Tommy?” 

He hesitated a moment, glancing at Chim before focusing back down at her. “Chim told Maddie.”

“And you kept in contact with your Sister Saint,” she nodded, accepting this without question. His lips twitched at the nickname Addison had given Maddie after finding out the dispatcher was dating Chim. She nodded again and then leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Come see me after you’re done with Thing One and Thing Two. Tommy’s working a double anyway so I’ll hang out in the office till you leave. He won’t mind.” 

Lips twitching again at the very old nicknames she only ever used when she thought Hen and Chim were being idiots (his and Eddie’s had been Tweedledee and Tweedledum), he watched as she gave the watching crew a pointed look before leaving the bay for her office. Alayna followed her and those still around went back to what they’d been doing. 

Aware the walls ALWAYS had ears, he smiled slightly at his former teammates. “She hasn’t changed a bit, has she?”

“Believe it or not, that was actually less blunt than she’s been the last few years,” Hen said and Buck’s eyebrows went up. 

“Tommy really likes it when she gets riled up and it had side effects,” Chim added after a moment. Buck couldn’t help but snicker. 

“It’s good to see you again, Buck,” Hen said softly then and Buck paused when he heard the pain in her voice, the tears. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the face but he nodded. 

“I have things I need to do,” he said simply and out of the corner of his eye he saw Chim nod. 

“Maddie knows you’re here, doesn’t she?” he asked and Buck stiffened. 

“I won’t apologize for Maddie not talking to you about me,” he said and heard the deep inhale of breath from his sister’s boyfriend. 

“I wasn’t…I didn’t…” Chim started and then finally took a deep breath. “I’m not asking for one. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. You’re her brother and that will always come first. Well, after the kids anyway.” 

Buck nodded, accepting that at face value. Maddie and he had talked numerous times over the years, usually when she drove to San Francisco for some big event in his life. She’d always assured him the paramedic had never pressured her for information on Buck, had accepted the lack of contact without complaint even if he didn’t like it. In his heart, Buck knew Chim was a good man who’d simply done some really stupid things because of what was happening at the time. Which was why he’d told Maddie two years before, when the twins had been born, that she could tell Chimney about her nieces and nephew if she wanted. To his surprise, however, she’d refused to do so. 

_“I can forgive what he did to you because he knows he was a jackass and he feels badly about it,” she’d said as she’d cuddled with Eleanor on the couch in his living room. “But I will never forget that he did it. I can’t. You’re my brother, Evan, and what he did...until you’re ready to speak to him about your life, I won’t.”_

“Besides, it’s good I didn’t know anything,” Chim said and his voice was struggling to be light. “We all know I can’t keep secrets.” 

Hen snorted. “He’s not wrong,” she said, smiling at Buck. “Telling him anything would have absolutely gotten back to us.”

“Et tu, Hen?” Chim pouted. 

“I’m just agreeing with what you said.” 

Buck smiled at the familiar banter, even if it was strained. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed it.

“Hey, who are you two talking…to…” 

Buck’s heart lurched at the familiar voice that had haunted his dreams for years. Knowing it was WAY too late to turn back now, he forced himself to look up at the man who had stolen his heart without him knowing until it was too late. 

“Hello, Eddie.” 

If Buck looked different, it had little on Eddie. His hair was longer, just going to the nape of his neck and partially hanging in his face. He too had a beard, though his seemed more messy than Buck’s, which he found sort of funny. His beautiful brown eyes were the same, though currently wide in unbridled shock. 

And holy fuck had he put on muscle. He was nowhere near what Buck himself had but he was definitely more toned than he’d been when Buck had left, if that were possible.

“Buck…” the other man breathed out his name and Buck swallowed as he felt a shiver down his spine at the tone. “You’re…you’re here.” 

“I am,” he agreed softly and then, because he knew he couldn’t continue looking at Eddie anymore without breaking down, he looked at Chim, as he was the easiest of the three to speak to right now.

“Bobby still here?” he asked and Chim nodded. 

“Upstairs,” he answered when Eddie just continued staring at him. He hesitated before adding, “Do you want to come up and say hello?” 

‘Want to’ was not the words he would use, he thought to himself. ‘Have to’ would be more accurate. “Yeah,” he nodded. “He making dinner or cleaning it up?” 

“Cleaning,” he said. “He made lasagna.” 

“I think there’s some left over,” Hen broke in. “You should have some.” 

Buck raised an eyebrow at the tone and the way she’d eyed his frame. “Are you calling me skinny, Henrietta?” he asked, the teasing coming almost instinctively despite the years. 

“Well, you’re certainly not heavy,” she shot back and it was almost like it used to be that Buck felt lightheaded. He shook it off. 

“I could eat,” he said, smile strained. “Haven’t had a home cooked meal in…well, awhile.” 

Three months, to be exact, since Tali had gotten sick.

The foursome headed upstairs then, Hen determinedly leading the way, Chim just behind her, Buck behind him, and Eddie following along like a lost puppy. It wasn’t a very charitable thought but it was the truth—Buck had never seen Eddie like this and the part of him that still loved the idiot was worried about him. 

But he couldn’t focus on that right now, he told himself with a deep breath. Because that was absolutely Bobby standing in the kitchen, pan falling limply from his hand as he stared at Buck like Hen had, like he was looking at a ghost. At the end of the kitchen island, not looking nearly as stunned, was Athena. He decided to focus on her because if he didn’t, he thought he might have a panic attack. 

“Hey ‘Thena,” he told her quietly, coming to stand just in front of her. She was the same as he remembered, including the floral scent he’d come to always associate with her. The biggest change was her hair being a bit longer and, well, flatter than he remembered. And because his brain and mouth were big ole traitors, he added. “You changed your hair. I like it.” 

She stared at him a moment and suddenly Buck started to panic because it was clear she was trying to hold tears at bay as she drank him in. He had never been good with crying women but Athena and Maddie had always been the worst—at least, until he met Tali and they had Eleanor and Emilia. 

“Buckaroo,” Athena finally whispered and stepped forward to wrap him in the warmest, strongest, safest hug he could remember getting in a while. 

He hesitated a moment and then hugged her back, clinging tightly to the only woman who had ever truly felt like a mother to him as the dam finally broke and he sobbed into her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's appearance is absolutely the Buddie discord's fault. Seriously. 
> 
> Also, Addison is an OC (from another fic I'm working on but have not posted) but Tommy is not. It drives me bonkers we never see anyone else from the firehouse talking, even if I understand it because, you know, main cast be huge and bonkers.
> 
> Would it hurt to have given the guy driving the firetruck in 4x06 ("Jinx") a few lines though? Seriously? Are we just supposed to pretend the truck's driving itself? 
> 
> (Though point of this diatribe is expect me to give names and personality and actual dialogue for the people in the background we see but never hear from.)


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People always say

“So, you want to tell me what that was about, Buckaroo?” Athena asked once he’d calmed down. She still hadn’t let him go, holding her arm tightly around his waist as they sat on the couches of the loft. The B shift had left, having gotten a call, so it was only the six of them plus Addison in the office downstairs. 

He took a deep breath, still not looking at Bobby, and figured he might as well rip the band aid off. It was going to hurt everyone no matter when he said it. 

“My wife is dying.” 

The room was silent as everyone took that in, at the implications. 

“Buck…” that was Bobby and he finally looked up at the man who had been like a father to him. His expression was one of utter heartbreak and it took Buck a moment to realize it was aimed at him. The man was heartbroken _for him._ The man had barely looked at him before he left and now…Buck pushed the thought away. 

“What’s happening, baby?” Athena asked, breaking in before Bobby could say or do anything more. Grateful for that since he didn’t know what the other man was going to say or even what Buck would do, he turned to her. The look on her face wasn’t pity, it was sympathy. Also confusion and pain but he couldn’t do anything about that. He’d known when he’d agreed to Tali’s request that he was about to hurt a whole lot of people. Even though it was inevitable, he hated that he was the cause for a lot of that pain, especially for Athena, who had done so much for him. 

“Her heart is giving out,” he answered in a whisper, like if he was just quiet enough it wouldn’t be true. “She’s on the transplant list but…its not looking good. She’s getting bad faster than the doctors anticipated. If she doesn’t get one in the next month, they don’t think she’d survive the procedure. I’m going to lose her.” His eyes filled with tears again of their own volition. 

“Shhh, shhh,” Athena whispered, holding him even more tightly than before as another hand came to rest on his shoulder. He tensed, expecting it to be Eddie or Bobby, but was surprised to find it was Chim. 

“That’s why Maddie was crying the other night when she got off the phone with you,” he stated, didn’t ask. Buck nodded anyway. 

“She really likes Tali,” he said and not really realizing what he was doing, he put his head on Athena’s shoulder, tucking his head down so that if she were to bend down, she could kiss his temple. Which is what she did. 

“I…” Eddie started and then stopped, probably because Buck had tensed up again. He cleared his throat. “What can we do?” 

And that…that threw him more than everything else that had happened since walking through the bay doors. Because of everything he figured would happen…them wanting to help was nowhere on the list. 

He looked up, taking in Chim, still holding tightly at his shoulder and a sympathetic look in his red-rimmed eyes. A slight turn found Hen, tears gathering but a resolute expression on her face as she watched him expectantly. Another turn and there was Eddie, who looked…Buck couldn’t even tell what that look was supposed to be. Sympathy, maybe, and understanding. But also something else, something he didn’t recognize. And he wasn’t going to lie—not being able to read what his best friend was feeling hurt, hurt more than he’d expected it to. 

Finally, knowing he had to know in order to figure out his next step, he looked up at Bobby. His breath caught because he recognized that look, that splay of emotions playing on the older man’s face. He’d seen them all before. 

Resolute, like Hen. Sympathetic like Chim and understanding like Eddie. All of those were there but there was something else, something he recognized intimately, having seen it so often in the mirror after he left. It was a look Buck remembered vividly from when Bobby had finally told them all about Marcy, Robert, and Brooke. 

It was guilt and self-hatred.

It was too much and he dropped the man’s gaze, burrowing into Athena like a Tristan did with Tali when he was trying to hide from the monsters under the bed. 

“Tell us what we can do,” Athena whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“She wants to meet you all,” he said, forcing the words out of his mouth, knowing once he said them it was all over. He’d never be able to run away from them again. Yet he had to, for the woman who had so painstakingly stitched him back together after he’d left Los Angeles. “She wants you to meet…meet her and the kids. Wants the families…she just wants us all to finally meet.”

~~*~~

After his explanation of what he wanted them to do, Buck knew he was at the end of his rope. He’d made his excuses for leaving, telling them Maddie was waiting for him to go to the hospital. Chim had nodded, made a comment about her not taking her car this morning suddenly made sense, and then helped him escape everyone when it was clear the others wanted more answers as to what was going on. Or, as Athena had said, explanations of what he meant by “the kids.” He’d stopped by the front office to say goodbye to Addison and then headed out, not looking at any of the people watching him.

Going into the call center was a lot easier than it had been going into the 118. Getting upstairs, he smiled at the sounds coming through, of the dispatchers directing the first responders, and calming the people calling for help. 

“Buck,” a warm voice said and he turned to find Sue there, smiling at him. “It’s good to see you. Maddie’s been looking forward to this all day.” 

“Its good to see you, too, Sue,” he said and accepted the hug she gave him without complaint. She didn’t say anything about what he knew must be wicked red eyes, simply directed him to where Maddie was waiting in the break room with Josh.

“There you are,” Maddie said when he finally poked his head inside. “I was wondering what was taking so long. Are you okay?” 

“It…went better than I expected,” he said and she nodded, an understanding look on her face. Josh was smiling and before Buck knew it, he had the other man hugging him too. 

“It’s good to see you again, how’re you holding up?” he asked. Buck took in a deep breath, leaning away to find Josh looking at him worriedly. 

“Maddie told you?” 

“Tali called me, actually,” he said and Buck couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh at that—he’d left behind the LAFD and had thought he’d never see or hear from anyone from LA again, except Maddie. Only Josh had texted him before Buck had changed numbers, expressing complete support for his decision and wishing him well. And, well, Buck had wanted to have someone to keep an eye on Maddie for him while he was gone and since Chim had been out, he’d stayed in contact with the other dispatcher. The other man had even been Maddie’s plus one at his wedding. 

His wife and his sisters best friend had gotten along like a house on fire from the get-go. He really shouldn’t be surprised Tali had called to give Josh the news herself. 

“I’m…I don’t even know,” he admitted and Josh nodded. “How’s Carson?” 

Carson was Josh’ boyfriend, though Evan had yet to meet the painter. Maddie fully approved though and he was looking forward to meeting him himself. 

“He says if you need a place to hide out, you’re welcome at our place,” Josh said in that firm way of his. “Also that he’s looking forward to finally meeting you.” 

“I got a hotel for this weekend but thanks,” he said and Josh nodded. Maddie made an angry sound—he knew she wasn’t happy he wasn’t staying with her, Chim, and the kids, at least not yet—but his sister didn’t argue with him about it again, thank god. “It’s near the hospital.” 

“Who has the kids?” Maddie asked. 

“Theo and Shawna,” he answered, naming his in-laws. “They’re going to bring them down this weekend.” 

“And Tali?” Josh asked. “How’s she settling in at Cedars Sinai?” 

“Well, it’s a hospital and she hates hospitals so…” 

“Driving the nurses up the wall then,” Josh noted and Buck couldn’t help the small smile.

“Oh absolutely,” he agreed. “It’s a good thing she doesn’t have a roommate because that would not end well.” 

“How’d you even get her transferred from San Francisco?” Maddie asked then. “You never did tell me.” 

“There’s a special treatment her doctors want to try, to slow down the progression, to give her more time for a donor,” he said. “No one in San Fran has done it though so they suggested the transfer. The timing just worked out.” 

“Do you think it’s going to help?” Maddie asked, frowning. 

“It’s still in the experimental stages,” he admitted. “But they’ve had a lot of success with it so far. None of them were as bad off as Tali though.” 

Maddie nodded, seemingly understanding that the fact he was even in LA, talking to the 118, meant he did not have much hope it would work. 

“Well, you two get going,” Josh said, reaching down and squeezing Buck’s wrist briefly before letting go. “And if you need anything, let me know.” 

“I will,” Buck nodded and gave him a smile. “Thank you, Josh.” 

“Family, right?” he said and Buck nodded. 

Saying goodbye to a few others on their way out, Buck tried not to feel overwhelmed by how happy those he recognized were to see him. There wasn’t any tears or sorrow or emotions he couldn’t deal with—they were just happy. It was a marked difference from the 118.

“Guess Tali was right,” he murmured as they got in the elevator. 

“She is right nine times out of ten,” his sister joked. “But what about specifically this time?” 

Buck was silent for a while before answering. “When I first told her about the 118 and what happened…I told her I figured everyone was going to side with them, even though you and Chief Alonzo and Josh and Athena hadn’t. She told me I was an idiot and that the other houses probably didn’t know what happened.” 

“Oh, no, they knew,” Maddie said and he shot her a surprised look. Her lips curled up. “You know how the Chief offered you another house? It was because he’d had numerous offers for you to transfer some place you’d be appreciated…and those were his words, not mine.” 

“Wait…when did you talk to the Chief?” he asked, surprised. 

“A week after you resigned,” she answered. “He came here, wanted to know if you were okay. I told him where you were and he said he’d put in a good word with their fire chief.” 

So that explained why he’d been hired so fast when he’d applied to the SFFD. “But…the lawsuit…” 

“Buck, they offered to settle outside of court, they offered you _millions_ ,” she reminded him quietly as the door to the elevator opened and they stepped off and headed outside into the sunshine. “If they thought they could have won the case, they never would have done that.” 

Which means the city had decided his complaint was valid. Damn. He’d never looked at it that way before.

“So those other houses…” 

“Everything got out about the suit, about what Bobby did behind the Chief’s back,” she nodded as they got into his car. “And then people found out what happened when you returned to work…well, people weren’t happy. Addison told me a couple years ago at a barbeque that Tommy was pissed and trying to get you transferred to the 217 when you resigned and he wasn’t the only one. He and a bunch of other firefighters would have refused to work with the 118 if they could have.” 

“The LAFD is just a big gossip mill, isn’t it?” he asked as he started the car.

“Oh absolutely,” she laughed. “And it probably starts with the admins.”

Remembering Addison’s reaction to his return today, he had no doubt the other houses finding out what had happened was at least partly her fault. He wondered if Bobby and the others had figured that out. 

“So, how’s Tali really doing?” she asked as he pulled out of the call center parking lot and headed towards the freeway. “Is she any better?” 

“She slept the entire drive here,” he said. He’d followed behind the ambulance in the car. “But…I don’t know, maybe it’s the change but she seems…more.” 

Maddie nodded slowly. “It could be the hope of the new treatment,” she said cautiously. “Half the fight is belief.” 

Buck smiled. “That’s what she said,” he noted and Maddie smiled. His own dimmed as he thought about his wife. “I think it’s more than that…Mads, I think she’s settled. The only thing left is this thing with the 118.” 

“You can’t think like that Evan,” she said immediately. “It won’t help her.” 

“But it’s the truth,” he said quietly. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to lose her, I love her, and I absolutely want her to keep fighting. But…I have to be realistic. If not for me, then for the kids.”

Maddie looked like she was about to say something and then cut herself off. He was glad—this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to keep having. 

The rest of the drive to the hospital was quiet, both lost in their own thoughts.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is full of choices
> 
> (Switching POV for a bit).

Walking into the house after the afternoon they’d had, the last thing Athena wanted to do was cook. 

“How about we order in?” Athena suggested, dropping her purse on the coffee table in front of the fireplace. “Today was just…too much….and I don’t want to worry about cooking or dishes.”

“I take it you both know Buck’s back in LA then?” a voice said and they turned to find Michael and David standing in the kitchen. And that was when the two of them realized…

“Did you cook for us?” Athena asked, looking at her ex-husband with a considering expression as they took in the smells wafting towards them.

“How did you know Buck was back?” Bobby asked immediately afterwards. 

“I was passing admissions when they brought in…” David started and then stopped, frowning as he exchanged a look with Michael. 

“Tali,” Athena supplied and both of them nodded, relaxing as it was clear Athena and Bobby knew. “His wife.” 

And wasn’t that still a punch to the gut, she thought. She’d known from May and Maddie’s occasional comments that Buck was thriving in San Francisco but to find out he’d gotten married? And apparently had kids? She wasn’t going to lie, it hurt to know they hadn’t been there and the anger she’d always had about the entire situation and her idiot husbands part in it…well, it flared a bit. 

“How badly off is she, can you tell us?” Bobby asked and Athena came out of her thoughts to stare expectantly at David.

He shifted uncomfortably, glancing at Michael again before sighing. “I’m not her doctor,” he said. “But I did get a glimpse of her chart and I heard why she came to Cedars. All I can tell you is…it doesn’t look good.” 

“That’s what Buck said,” Bobby nodded, his face falling a bit. Athena reached out to grasp his hand and was not surprised at the tight grip he took it in. 

“You…spoke to Buck?” Michael asked, surprised. 

“He came to the station at the end of shift,” Bobby answered. He swallowed and his voice sounded like glass as he sat down hard at the dining room table. “He…he’s not…” 

“He needs our help,” Athena said, speaking up once it was clear Bobby was struggling. “And apparently Tali wants to meet us all.” 

_Before she dies_ , she thought but didn’t say aloud. It had been clear to her from the moment Buck explained why he was here that he was only doing it because his wife has asked. 

Bobby stayed where he was and Athena went to go and change. When she came out of her and Bobby’s bathroom, now in more comfortable clothes, she found Michael sitting on the bed.

“Last request?” Michael asked lowly, so as not to be heard through the open door. She nodded, glancing through it to find David shepherding Bobby through setting the table and dishing out food to plates as the doctor talked a mile a minute about his day at the hospital. She felt a wave of affection for her ex-husbands husband. 

“I think so,” she agreed. She paused. “Whether it’s to yell at us or make Buck face his demons, I’m still unsure on.” 

“Buck does tend to attract the overprotective types,” Michael noted and Athena laughed softly in agreement. “How are you handling it?” 

“Which part?” she asked with a sigh. “Finding out the man I adopted as my own married without telling any of us and now his wife’s dying? Or the fact he’s a father in his own right and I could have had grandbabies by now if my husband hadn’t been an idiot?” 

“Wait, Buck has children?” Michael said, surprised. Athena nodded. 

“Don’t know how many but from the sounds of things, yeah, he and Tali have at least two,” she agreed. “Buck left before we got anything more.” 

Reflecting on it, she didn’t blame Buck was leaving them hanging like that. It was clear the entire hour had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and everyone had their limit—Buck had simply met his. It was a mark of how much he’d grown that he had acknowledged that and stopped instead of ignoring it and pushing through. 

“How’s Bobby handling all this?” Michael asked and Athena sighed. “That bad, huh?” 

“You and I both know how much he’s raked himself over the coals about Buck these last years,” she said and Michael nodded—as Bobby’s best friend, he’d heard almost as much about his regrets as Athena had. “It all just came rollin’ back in as soon as Buck said his wife was dying.” 

Michael was silent a long time. “He actually said that? That his wife was dying?” he finally asked and Athena nodded. Michaels’ face fell a little. “Damn.” 

“Yeah.” 

They both looked up when they heard the front door open and close, May calling out a hello. She’d moved back in with Bobby and Athena recently, mostly because the place she’d been renting had flooded and it was going to take months to clean up. Athena and Michael both got up and headed out of the bedroom, finding May giving David a hug hello as they sat down. A quick glance at the doctor confirmed her daughter had greeted Bobby. Whether it was a happy one was still up in the air. 

May had not taken her big brother Buck’s leaving well, especially when she found out why he’d done so. The anger she’d had for Bobby’s part in it all had never quite faded, though she and her step-father had eventually come to some sort of an unspoken agreement to leave it be. 

“Hey baby, we weren’t expecting you home for dinner,” Athena said, her and Michael joining everyone at the table. “Speaking of my children, where’s Harry?” 

“Him, Christopher, and Denny went to the movies,” Michael said. 

“Does he know?” 

“I didn’t tell him,” Michael answered. “I didn’t want him to have to hide it from Christopher.” 

“He knows,” May said and they all focused on her, having forgotten for a moment she was there. “He texted me asking if I knew Buck was back. Christopher and Denny know too.” 

“Well, that’s one reunion I hope I’m there for,” Athena said, fondly considering the young boy her son had loved like his own. 

“If Eddie lets him see them,” May muttered. Athena sighed. The young woman may have forgiven Bobby his part (mostly), but she had never quite forgiven Eddie. 

“He will,” Bobby said then, the first time he’d spoken since his attempt to explain Buck’s appearance at the station. “Eddie will make sure they see each other.” 

May still looked doubtful but didn’t push it. Athena agreed with Bobby though—Eddie had probably hated himself for what happened even more than Bobby had and Bobby had been like the Alps. 

Then how May had phrased her comment hit Athena and she had to stop and stare at her daughter. 

“You knew about his family.” 

To her credit, May didn’t try and pretend she didn’t know what her mother was talking about. 

“He said I could tell you but I also didn’t want to put that as something between you and Bobby,” she said, looking between them. “So that’s on me, not him.” 

Athena sighed, not able to argue against that. Still, if she had known about Tali, maybe she could have stopped all this silence nonsense sooner. She could have gotten to know her daughter in law before she was on her deathbed.

“Your mother said he mentioned kids,” Michael said, breaking in. “Can you tell us how many?” 

“Three,” May answered after a moment’s hesitation. “A boy and two girls—twins.” 

“What are their names?” Bobby asked quietly. All four adults were staring avidly at her and she shifted uneasily in her seat. 

“The only reason I’m going to answer these questions is because Buck told Maddie we could,” she finally said, looking firmly at them all, even David who had never met Buck. “Because you’re gonna meet them all anyway.” 

“We understand,” Athena said, a burst of pride for her daughter flowing through her. She held out a hand to grasp hers. May nodded, seemingly understanding what Athena was trying to say.

“The oldest is Tristan, he’s four,” May told them. “And the twins are Eleanor and Emilia; they’re two.”

She pulled out her phone and flipped through it, ignoring that they usually didn’t have cells at the dinner table. Finally finding what she was looking for, May turned the phone so they could all see the photo.

Athena’s breath caught. It was Buck, looking the happiest she could remember him ever being. Hanging on his back was a little boy who looked exactly like him—right down to the curly, dirty blonde hair and the birthmark above his baby blue eyes. In Buck’s lap, almost falling out and clearly laughing hysterically, was a little girl with short auburn hair. An identical girl was hugging him from around his neck, face buried in his chest.

“Tali took it and sent it to me and Maddie last Christmas,” she explained with a fond smile, turning the phone back to look at the photo. “Eleanor is the one laughing—she’s a little mischief maker. Buck’s already worried about what she’s going to do when she gets into elementary school—Maddie says it serves him right for what he put her through.” 

“Do you…do you have a picture of Tali?” Bobby asked and Athena wasn’t surprised to see he looked as shaken as she felt. May nodded and quickly went through photos before finding one and turning the phone again. 

Buck was in a white dress shirt with the top three buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was tousled, unlike the stylized comb over he’d done before. He was grinning softly, fondly, and lovingly down at the woman in his arms. 

Tali was beautiful, was Athena’s first thought. Wavy auburn-brown hair was spread around her neck and shoulders, long enough that the ends couldn’t be seen in the waist-and-up photo. Her brown eyes were sparkling as she gazed back up at Buck and she was also in white, though the details were difficult to see given her hair and the arms around her. Her left hand was entangled with Buck’s on her shoulder though and you could clearly see the two wedding bands they wore. 

“Is that a wedding photo?” Athena asked, grabbing the phone to inspect it more closely. May let her, nodding. “Were you there?” 

“…Yes,” she finally said. “He didn’t originally invite me because he hated asking me keep this all from you guys but Maddie and Tali talked him into giving me the choice. I chose to go.” 

It was clear she was bracing for their reaction and a few years ago, especially right after everything had happened, they probably would have been upset. But Athena couldn’t, not when she could tell how protective they were of each other, like siblings should be. 

“He’s at the hospital tonight with Maddie and Tali, right?” Bobby asked then and May nodded, confused at the suddenly determined expression on his face. “Can you do me a favor?” 

“Depends on the favor,” she said warily as Athena frowned at her husband. “I’m not taking you to her room.”

“No, not that,” Bobby shook his head. He leaned forward and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. Rifling through it, he grabbed everything inside and handed them to May. 

“Can you please go and get them an actual dinner?” he asked. “From Martello’s?”

Martello’s had been one of Buck’s favorite restaurants in the city. Looking at the table and realizing they didn’t have enough to send for three people, Athena stood up and went and got her purse, pulling out more money to give May, as did Michael and David. She gave the two of them a funny look and Michael shrugged. 

“We are well aware of how bad hospital food is,” he told her and she laughed softly when David nodded ruefully. 

May, for her part, accepted all the money with a small smile. “Let me finish this and then I’ll go.”

And if, after Michael, David, and May had all left, Bobby started going through the pantry and fridge to figure out more food to send the next day, Athena didn’t say anything. She simply looked up recipes online for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those curious, I like David with Michael so he stays. ;)
> 
> Also, if you're trying to imagine what Tali looks like more clearly, in my head she's fancast as Adelaide Kane.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one ever mentions fear!

Buck had been in this hospital so often, he barely needed to even look at the map to remember how to get to his wife’s room even after seven years. As they approached, however, they knew something had happened. 

“Becky, is my wife…” he said, stopping at the nurses station to speak with the nurse he’d met the other day. 

“She’s fine, Mr. Buckley,” she assured him with a smile. “Go on in.” 

Frowning at this, as the entire nurses station seemed to be waiting for something, he turned and headed to his wife’s room.

He walked into a veritable wall of balloons. 

“The hell?!” he exclaimed, dumbfounded. Chuckling made him push the balloons off to the side so he could get to the bed where his wife was. She was sitting up, which was new, and going through papers on the little bed table. Her hair was up in a ponytail, which was also new, and there was color in her cheeks again. The little ember of hope he’d been viciously trying to ignore since the doctor had suggested the transfer, flared a bit. 

“They started arriving…about an hour ago,” she said and waved her fingers at his sister. “Hey Maddie.” 

“How’s my favorite sister in law?” Maddie asked, maneuvering around the balloons and the baskets of food and stuffed animals to lean over and hug his wife.

“I’m your only sister in law,” Tali joked, eyes sparkling. Buck could only stare in disbelief, as this was not the woman he’d left that morning. 

“And the best one,” Maddie said, smiling. 

“Where did this all come from?” Buck asked, moving to his wife’s other side and bending down to kiss her forehead before taking the chair there. 

“Stations all over the city,” she answered and held up the papers she’d been going through. She paused. “The first to show up…was that one from the 118.” 

She motioned to a basket nearby, this with sandwiches, snacks, and a few books. 

“After that they just kept appearing,” Becky said, coming in with yet another basket. “This one appears to be from the LAPD though.” 

“Athena,” he said, still stunned as Becky dropped the basket off on the end of the bed and left again. Yeah, it had taken time to get to the call center and then here but…they must have arranged these almost immediately after he’d left the station, though he was baffled at the other crews. He had no idea how they’d found out about Tali. “I saw her today.” 

“She was at the station?” Tali asked and he nodded, playing with her hand and the hospital bracelet around her wrist. She grabbed his fingers in hers and he looked up to find her smiling proudly at him. “I can’t wait to meet her.” 

“She said she’s off tomorrow,” he told her, stuttering a bit at the admission. “I was thinking…maybe she could come tomorrow with May? Chim’s welcome too.” 

The last was said to Maddie, who’s eyes widened in surprise a moment before she nodded in agreement. He focused back on Tali. “That sound good?” 

“You mean finally meeting…the man who might as well…be my brother-in-law?” She asked and smiled. “Absolutely.” 

“Have you talked to the kids yet today?” Buck asked, settling into the chair. 

“No, Theo said he’d…facetime so the kids could see us…after dinner,” she said. She took in a deep breath. “I miss them.” 

“Two more days and they’ll be here,” he assured her, hand still entwined with hers. He squeezed. “And then you’ll wish they were back with your brother.” 

“Never,” she vowed and he smiled. 

“Do they understand what’s happening?” Maddie asked and he looked up just in time to catch her grimace. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” 

“No, not really,” Buck shook his head. “Tristan, I think, knows she’s really sick but the twins…they’re still too young.” 

“I don’t think Tristan…realizes how sick Mommy is though,” Tali agreed. “I mean, he’s only four…This isn’t something he really understands.” 

They were all quiet again. 

“How did they like the pictures?” Tali asked suddenly. “You never said.” 

Buck blinked at her a minute or so and then realized…

“I left them in the bag in the loft,” he whispered. “I never got the chance to actually show them the photos and then…” 

Tali and Maddie sent him amused looks. 

“So basically, one of the crew is going to look inside and find pictures of you and the family without any context,” Maddie said and Buck nodded, wondering who it would be. He winced. 

“Which means I’ll have to get them back—we printed them for you, after all,” he told his sister, who softened. 

“I’ll text Chim, ask him to ask around for who finds them,” she said. 

“Actually, text Addison, she’d probably figure it out first since Chim is off the next few days,” he said just as a knock came on the door. He turned just in time to find a very familiar figure poking her head in the door. 

“Am I interrupting?” Carla asked, smiling at them all easily. Buck shot to his feet, letting go of Tali’s hands to go and hug the woman he hadn’t seen since his wedding. Right behind her was May, grinning at him. 

“What…how…?” he stuttered as Carla let go of him to go say hello to Tali and Maddie. May smiled at him and held up a bag of food from one of his favorite restaurants in the city. 

“I bring food,” she told him and then quietly, in a tone that said she wasn’t sure she should add the next part; “Bobby asked me to. Him, Mom, Dad, and David paid.”

Buck swallowed heavily at this and pushed that and the emotions the admission brought to the back of his head. Instead, he put his hand on May’s back and led her into the room. Maddie jumped up, taking the food from her so May could greet the woman on the bed. 

“It’s good to see you, Tali,” May said, bending down to hug her. “I see you took my advice and cut the hair.” 

“I loved the long hair but yes…you were right…short hair is easier to manage,” Tali agreed and May grinned. 

“When did May tell you to cut it?” he asked, taking his seat again as Maddie dished out the meals. 

“The day before I did it,” Tali replied with a cheeky little grin. Buck smiled at her. 

“Well, you know I love it,” he said and Tali wrinkled her nose in a smile at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw May grin fondly at the two of them. He swat towards her. “Get a chair.” 

She did so, quietly explaining to Tali who all had helped pay for the food. Buck tuned them out, instead focusing on the containers of pasta being passed around. Carla and May had already eaten but there was plenty for Buck, Tali, and Maddie. 

“I think you ought to know what happened when Eddie got home tonight,” Carla said after idle chit chat as they ate. Buck swallowed his food, his stomach turning to lead, as he kept his head down. “He wasn’t happy when I told him I knew you were coming back.” 

“What did he say?” Tali asked curiously and Buck frowned at his wife. She had her head tilted, a small concerned wrinkle in her brow. 

Carla paused a moment before speaking. “Eddie has known for the last seven years what an idiot he was,” she said slowly. “But I think seeing you again, finding out you were married and had kids…well, I think it finally sunk in just how much of an idiot he was. If I didn’t know for sure he didn’t have alcohol in the house, I would have been worried when I left.” 

“And Christopher?” Tali pressed and Buck went taut. Of all the people he’d left behind, Christopher had been the hardest to let go and his wife knew that. 

At this, Carla sighed. “I wasn’t planning on telling him yet but he overheard Eddie and I talking,” she admitted. “He wasn’t happy but its up in the air if its because you’re back with a family or if its because he’s still angry at Eddie. He went out with the boys to the movie before I left so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about it.” 

“What do you mean, still angry at Eddie?” Buck asked, frowning as he finally looked up at Carla. 

The woman smiled sadly at him. 

“Christopher didn’t take your loss easily, as you know,” she told him and he nodded hesitantly, the familiar stab of guilt piercing his heart whenever he and Carla had spoken about the young boy he’d been forced to leave. “And for a long time, I think he was very angry you’d disappeared on him. But then, a year or so ago when him and Eddie were arguing, he found out what actually happened at the station, why you left. He didn’t speak to Eddie for over a month and even when he did start again, it was only when he had to give a verbal reply. It took months before he started initiating anything with his father.” 

There was more she wasn’t saying. Buck knew she’d probably tell him if he pressed her, would explain, but Buck…he’d had enough for the day. Between what happened at the station, seeing everyone at the call center, finding out about the other fire houses, and now this about Christopher…he shook his head and refused to go further. He needed to keep it together.

“Excuse me, I hate to break this up,” Becky poked her head in the doorway just then, saving Buck from having to say anything. “But visiting hours are about to end.” 

Maddie wasn’t thrilled about leaving, nor was Carla, but they all knew they didn’t have a choice. After helping to clean up, Carla and May both promised to stop by the next day before work. Maddie, who was getting a ride home from May, would be coming first thing in the morning with Chim. Buck asked May to pass along the invitation to come the next day to Athena and, after a brief hesitation and glance at his wife being swallowed in a hug by Carla, Bobby. May had asked him silently if he was sure and he’d nodded. 

“How did it go?” Tali asked as soon as the doors closed behind them. Buck swallowed harshly, going to the bathroom and keeping the door open as he changed into sleep clothes. 

“Better than I expected but still rough,” he admitted. “It was…they didn’t talk about why I left or anything like that—just what’s happening now.” 

He explained what happened when he went to the station and his eventual exit with Chim’s help. 

“I just…I couldn’t handle anything more,” he finished as he came out of the bathroom with his dirty clothes in a ball. He grabbed his duffel bag and stuffed them inside. 

“Do you need to call Dr. Benson?” she asked after a minute and he shook his head. 

“No, though if I do I will,” he promised. Dr. Benson was his therapist. She’d warned him this would be difficult but she also was honest in that she agreed with Tali that it was long overdue. 

“Fair enough,” his wife said and then leaned back into the bed more fully. “They started the treatment...this morning just after you left.” 

“How do you feel?” he asked, coming over to the bed. They did the little dance they’d perfected the last few months until he was on the one side of the bed, with her sprawled half on top of him. His arm was around her waist, her head tucked into the crook of his neck and he was playing with her hair. He really did like the new cut. His other hand was tangled with hers on top of his chest. 

“They said it would take a couple…days for the full effects to kick in,” she murmured, breathing deeply through the canola. “I definitely had…more energy today though.” 

“I could tell,” he said. “You were…you looked good when I came in with Maddie.” 

“It’s hard not to be happy to be around your family Buck,” she murmured. “They love you so much.”

Unbidden, Buck’s mind flashed back to Bobby and Eddie’s expressions as he told them about his wife. Was there still love there? he wondered. It felt like there was but he couldn’t tell if it was because yes, it was there, or because he wanted there to be so much he was deluding himself. He thought of the woman who had hugged and helped him as he cried and knew the love with her, at least, had never disappeared.

“I can’t wait for you to meet Athena,” he murmured. “She’s the best.” 

“It’ll be nice to…meet my mother-in-law,” she agreed. He was about to tease her about it but then his phone lit up indicating a video call. He grabbed it and saw his brother-in-law’s face staring back at him. He grinned and pressed answer. 

“Hey!” Theo said, clearly thrilled to see them. “How’s my favorite sister and brother-in-law?” 

“We’re you’re only sister and brother-in-law,” Tali replied, echoing her conversation with Maddie earlier. “How are the kids?” 

“The twins passed out about ten minutes ago,” Theo said apologetically. “But—"

“Is that Mommy?!” came a familiar voice and Buck and Tali laughed when the screen went crazy as Tristan climbed into Theo’s lap. From the grunts, he was probably stepping on some important parts but his uncle didn’t complain. Finally, the image on the screen stopped moving and they could clearly see Tristan’s bright blue eyes—in fact, it was all they could see for a minute before Theo moved him back properly. His face lit up. “MOMMY! DADDY!” 

“Hi Sweetheart, how are you?” Tali cooed over the phone, smiling brightly for their son. Buck angled the phone so that he wouldn’t be able to easily tell she was hooked up to so many monitors and IV’s. 

“We made cookies!” Tristan said at once and then proceeded to tell them all about how Aunt Shawna had gotten Uncle Theo covered in flour and how Eleanor ended up with peanut butter in her hair. 

“I would like to butt in at this time to assure you both it’s out and she’s fine,” Theo said, breaking in. Buck and Tali both chuckled. 

“I’ve made cookies with the girls before—at least this time it wasn’t up her nose,” he said lightly and Theo made a face at him before Tristan pulled the phone back down so he was in frame. 

“When are you coming home?” he asked then and Buck’s breath caught. “I miss you.” 

“Not for a while yet, buddy,” Buck said after a minute. “But guess what?” 

“What?” 

“Uncle Theo and Aunt Shawna are going to bring you and your sisters here this weekend,” he told him and he grinned, beaming. “And you’ll be able to see Aunt Maddie and Aunt May again.” 

“And even some other family you haven’t had the chance to meet before,” Tali broke in. 

“Like who?” 

“Well, your Uncle Chimney for one,” Buck replied and his son giggled at the name. Buck smiled slightly. “He’s with your Aunt Maddie.”

“Like you and Mommy?” 

“Yup, they’re just not married yet is all,” he said and made a mental note to ask Chim why that was. “And you’ll get to see your cousins again too. Uncle Chimney is their Daddy.” 

Maddie had brought both her kids down to meet them all last year. Tristan had gotten along fabulously with Evelyn, though the twins and Kevin hadn’t been impressed with each other. Tali insisted it just because of their ages (the girls had been 16 months and Kevin two years) but Maddie and Buck hadn't agreed. 

“Will I get to meet Uncle Harry?” Tristan asked suddenly. “Aunt May said he lived near her, with her parents. Oh! OH! Will I get to meet them? Will I get to meet Grandma and Grandpa?!” 

Buck should have seen that one coming, especially since he’d never hesitated in making it clear May was his kids Auntie and Tristan was ridiculously smart. It wasn’t a huge leap for a four year old to decide his aunts parents must be his grandparents.

He’d never spoken about Bobby and Athena with Tristan, though the boy had met his maternal grandparents several times. And of course, Margaret and Phillip Buckley came down as often as they could, usually doing the rounds to all the grandkids at once. He and his parents would never see eye-to-eye—the secret about Daniel that had come out a year after he’d left Los Angeles had unfortunately seen to that—but he wasn’t so mean as to keep them from their grandkids so long as they behaved. And he and Maddie both agreed they had turned into surprisingly excellent grandparents, even if their parenting had left a lot to be desired. 

“I think so,” Buck finally said and then hesitated. “I think…I think they’ll be happy to meet you, buddy.” 

“YAY!” Tristan screamed and the swirling emotions in his heart dissipated at his son’s utter joy at this…and Theo’s grimace at the screeching straight in his ear. Tali giggled lightly, which set off their son.

They said goodbye shortly afterwards, Theo likely seeing the same thing as Buck—Tali was losing energy fast. She was already half asleep by the time they all said goodnight. 

It was a quick turnaround, he knew, but that had unfortunately become the norm for them since the diagnosis. Still, she’d shown more energy these last few hours than he’d seen the last month combined. 

That tiny ember called hope flared once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll see Eddie himself here soon, don't worry!
> 
> And I have not written little ones very often and I got my son when he was 10 (he was a foster/adopt), so please excuse Tristan if he did not sound like a 4 year old, lol.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or how the world can seem so vast

The next morning Tali seemed to be in good spirits again. Her energy was still nowhere near where it had been before all this started but it was better than it had been in a while. 

“When do you think they’ll show?” Tali asked as Buck braided her hair. She’d asked for it and her eyeliner and Buck had acquiesced immediately—she hadn’t asked him for those in ages because of how tired she’d always been but he knew she preferred to have her eyes at least done up when she was in public, even if she had no other makeup on. 

“Maddie said she and Chim would be here after they got the kids situated with Mrs. Lee this morning,” he told her, glancing at the phone. “That was about an hour ago so…soon?” 

“And Athena and Bobby?” 

“Not sure,” he shrugged, trying to control his breathing at the thought of his former captain showing up. “I also got a text from Hen while you were in the shower with the nurse.” 

That had been a surprise at the time but thinking on it, it really shouldn’t have been. 

“Please tell me you told her…she could come today,” Tali said, twisting slightly to look at him. He nodded and she smiled. “Good. I want to meet the woman…Alex reminds you of.” 

Buck bit back a groan at this—Alex was one of the firefighters he worked with in San Fransisco and he had compared the woman to Hen multiple times over the years. 

Alex also happened to be Tali’s best friend and how he and her had met in the first place. Thinking fondly back to that day and the minor concussion he’d given himself when tripping over air, he tugged lightly at the ends of the braid as he finished. 

“I may need to rethink this whole introduction thing,” he joked and she swatted at him playfully over her shoulder. He laughed and then leaned forward to hug her just as the door opened. 

Buck looked over, expecting to see just Maddie and Chim and instead found both of them, Hen, Karen, May, Athena, and bringing up the rear with a covered food dish, Bobby. He blinked, startled at the sudden influx of people. Then the smell hit him and his mouth started watering. It had been entirely too long since he’d had Bobby’s cooking and despite everything, he’d missed it and the memories they always invoked. 

“Bobby went a little nuts this morning with breakfast,” May announced as the man in question busied himself with setting the dish down and unloading the bag Athena had been carrying. Buck caught the young woman’s gaze as she smirked at him. “And I think Mom egged him on.” 

“You’re punny,” Tali said and Buck, May, and Maddie all groaned. “Hey, that was a good one!” 

“So says you,” Buck replied, hands tightening slightly around her. 

“I’m not the only one…who thought so,” Tali said and then, to Buck’s slight horror, turned to hold her hand out to the grinning Chim. “I’m Tali. You are very…obviously Chimney.” 

“I am,” he agreed, shaking her hand slightly. “And may I just say, I like the way you yoked just now.” 

Buck and Maddie looked at each other. “This may have been a mistake,” his sister decided and Buck nodded. 

“Now there’s two of them,” he agreed. 

“Three, Hen makes horrible puns too on occasion,” Karen broke in. Buck looked over and found the woman looking at him teary-eyed. “It’s so good to see you, Buck.” 

Buck untangled himself from his wife, holding her steady for a minute to make sure she didn’t want to lean back in bed but she shook him off, staying cross-legged where she was. He turned to Karen and Hen and was immediately pulled into a hug by both women. He stiffened a bit at first before relaxing into it and hugging back. If it was a bit more tightly than he’d originally planned, he vowed not to mention it.

“I realized I didn’t get to do this before,” Hen whispered quietly in his ear. “And I should have.” 

“You look good,” Karen said as they pulled back.

“He looks like death on a…Trisquit is what he looks,” Tali said and Maddie and May both snorted a laugh. “Also, like a duck.” 

“A duck?” Buck frowned as out of the corner of his eye he saw Athena looking between him and Tali with a soft, fond look on her face. Bobby was still setting breakfast up and not looking at anyone but Buck would bet all the money in his kids saving accounts that he was listening. 

“Your hair, dear,” Tali told him and he immediately brought a hand up to feel his bedhead. He grimaced and she laughed, bright and airy. “Go get dressed.” 

He glanced at May, who nodded at the unspoken question, then to Maddie, who nodded as well. To his surprise, so did Chim. Slightly overwhelmed at how quickly things were changing, Buck went and grabbed his clothes from the duffel bag and then headed towards the bathroom. He had to move past Bobby to do so and could have sworn he felt the older man squeeze his shoulder briefly. When he looked over, however, Bobby was placing one of his infamous breakfast burritos on a plate and seemed utterly focused on his task of unwrapping it from the foil and putting small bowls of green chili on each plate. 

“Ten bucks says he remembers…he forgot to actually introduce me to…half of you when he’s got shampoo in his hair,” he faintly heard Tali say as he started the water inside. 

“That would be a sucker’s bet,” was Athena’s dry reply and the room filled with laughter. 

“You have to be Athena,” Tali said and Buck jumped into the water for what felt like the quickest shower of his life. Just above the spray, he could still hear the conversation outside as he cleaned up. 

“I am,” Athena replied and he could imagine the older woman moving over to say hello properly. “It’s good to meet you, Tali.” 

“Same,” his wife said. “And you’re Hen and…Karen, right?”

“How’d you know?” 

“Buck has a picture of…you all in the house,” Tali replied and Buck cursed silently as he jerked enough for shampoo to end up in his eye. He had not expected her to bring up the photos but there she continued on, oblivious to what her words were doing to him in the bathroom. “I think it was taken…at a barbeque or something…before the fire truck explosion. It’s one of the only photos…from LA on the family wall. The others are him…and Maddie and a picture of him, Christopher, and Eddie.”

It dawned on him then what she was doing; she was making it clear that though they had given up on him seven years ago, he had never forgotten them. It was so subtle he doubted the others would catch it—maybe Maddie, May, and Athena but only because the former two knew Tali well and the latter was a cop. Hen, Chim, and Bobby, he suspected, would take it like a knife wound but wouldn’t connect the dots on his wife’s deviousness.

“What…what other photos do you have on the family wall?” Hen asked just as Buck finished his shower and turned off the water. 

“Our wedding portrait, a photo from…our first date, the kids birth photos…Tristan’s preschool photo and…peewee baseball photo, my parents…my brother and his family, Buck’s parents…” she continued rattling off as many of the photos as she could remember and it was clear it literally was all family. He couldn’t help but smile a bit as he imagined the looks on the firehouse crews faces as they imagined their photos on the wall with all the ones she was listing. 

God, he loved his wife. 

Once dressed in a blue Henley and jeans, he softly opened the door and looked out at the group around the bed. Athena had commandeered the bed-tray and was in the process of getting a bemused looking Tali all set up for the meal; Hen and Karen were perched on the window seat and May had moved to help Maddie bring in a couple chairs the nurses kept on hand for such times. Bobby was now fiddling with the plastic forks and spoons and it struck Buck then that the other man also had no clue how to proceed with all this. 

For some reason, Buck had assumed Bobby always knew everything, always had an answer, always knew what to do. And for the most part, he had, at least during emergencies. But outside of that? Buck suddenly realized he was just as lost as everyone else. It was a sobering realization.

“It looks good,” he said quietly, speaking directly to Bobby for the first time. The older man jerked slightly in surprise and the volume in the room dipped as well before everyone seemingly forced themselves to continue talking. Buck thought of something. “It doesn’t have kiwi in it, does it?” 

Bobby looked confused and slightly disgusted but it wasn’t him who answered but Tali. 

“It’s green Chili, Ruinë”,” Tali told him. “Unless he experiments…like my brother, I very much doubt it’s…gonna have kiwi in it.” 

“It doesn’t,” Bobby assured them both and then seemingly understanding what Buck was getting at, focused on Tali. “You’re allergic?” 

“Unfortunately,” she sighed. “I loved kiwis when I…was a kid and then I went and tried one…as an adult. It didn’t end well.” 

“Anaphylactic shock on our first date,” Buck supplied ruefully. 

“At least it wasn’t a tracheotomy,” Tali teased and he made a face at her as Chim, Hen, and even Bobby all chuckled. 

“Hang on,” Athena said then, breaking in. She looked confused. “What was that you called him?” 

“Ruinë,” she said as Buck let out a low groan. Her smiled was wicked as she added, “It’s Quenyan for blaze.”

“My captain in San Fransisco is a Lord of the Rings nut,” he explained at their confused looks. “All of us have nicknames in Elvish. Tali just took mine and ran with it.” 

“Well, it’s oh so appropriate,” she said innocently and Buck knew he was blushing. A quick glance found Hen and Chim were outright grinning. 

“No,” he ordered immediately and their grins, if anything widened. He shook his head, desperately trying to hide his smile at the familiarity of this. “Absolutely not.” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chim said and then winked at Tali. “Blaze.”

Buck groaned as the room filled with laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have made the Buckley family in Sims 4. If you'd like to see, let me know and I'll post a link to the post on my tumblr next chapter.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a journey ... to the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who asked, a small snapshot of the Buckley family ala Sims 4:  
> https://artemisrae42.tumblr.com/post/645480020715896832/for-a-fic-i-present-the-buckley-family

Eddie desperately wanted either a drink or to hit something.

When he’d gotten up the previous morning, the last thing he’d expected was to come face to face with Buck again at the end of his shift. He’d resigned himself years ago to never seeing the man again, to always wondering where he was and if he was happy, safe, and healthy. It had been no less than he deserved, he’d thought, for his betrayal of one of the most loyal and caring individuals he’d ever had the fortune to meet.

“And now you have an answer,” Eddie muttered to himself as he threw clothes into the washer more forcefully than it warranted. “He’s been happy.”

 _But was he?_ a little voice whispered in his ear and he had to stop and breath a moment. Oh, Eddie had no doubt the man _had_ been happy but now? His wife was dying, the mother of his children…and it was clear he was even more devastated about this than when he’d worried he would never be a firefighter again, more than he had the last day Eddie had seen him at the station back when the entire house had lost its goddamn minds, himself included.

~~*~~

_“Buckley!”_

_Eddie looked up, taking in the hopeful expression on Buck’s face at Cap’s call. As always, something ugly twisted in him at the sight, at the very fact he thought he could come back after what he’d done and everything would be just as it had been before. His fingers itched for pain, for violence, and he had to viciously tamp down on it. Now wasn’t the time—he couldn’t give Buck anything more to use against him the next time he had a temper tantrum and decided to air all their dirty laundry to the world._

_“Yeah Cap?” Buck asked, still damned hopeful. Eddie watched a play of emotions cross Caps face before it settled back to neutral._

_“Next shift bring a mop,” he ordered and then turned away in a clear dismissal. The part of Eddie that still loved the man (which was admittedly a lot larger than he was willing to admit) felt a pang at the look of utter rejection on Buck’s face and he had to turn away before he did something stupid._

~~*~~

An oozing in his hand brought him out of his memories and he started cursing when he realized he’d squeezed the damn Tide pod hard enough it had broken. He threw the remains in the washer, used the shirt at the top to wipe the excess off his hand, and then grabbed an extra pod for good measure. Once the washer was ready, he headed to the bathroom to clean up properly before he actually started the machine. He’d made that mistake exactly once—and he didn’t have Buck around anymore to laugh at him and keep his spirits up once he ran out of the scalding hot shower.

“My own damn fault,” he muttered as he headed back to flip on the washer before cleaning the rest of the house.

~~*~~

_“Have any of you seen Buck yet?” Chim asked as Eddie came upstairs, adjusting his watch on his wrist and cursing the fact he could feel the bruises on his chest twinge._

_Eddie didn’t bother answering but out of the corner of his eye he saw Hen shake her head._

_“No,” she said and both of them looked uneasy._

_“He’s probably just late,” Eddie heard one of the others, Thomas say. A scoff at the door that lead to the back stairs made them all turn. Addison was there, looking furious._

_“He won’t be coming in,” she said, her voice practically a hiss._

_“What?” that was Bobby and Eddie turned to find him coming over from the kitchen, a half-irritated, half-concerned frown on his face. “Did he call in?”_

_“No, Alonzo did,” she said and if she was angry with them, it had nothing on the ire she was directing towards the Captain. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hen and Chim both make aborted steps back from the angry admin._

_“Alonzo?” Cap said, now sounding alarmed._

_“As of 5pm yesterday, Evan Buckley is no longer a firefighter for the LAFD,” she informed them all. “On account of him **resigning** his position because he no longer felt safe doing the job you haven’t even been letting him do since he came back.”_

_“He…he resigned?” Chim said but Eddie barely heard him over the roar in his ears._

_Buck…Buck was gone. **Buck** was **gone**._

_He watched, as if in a trance, as the usually happy go lucky admin glared daggers at Bobby._

_“I hope you’re happy, Captain,” she said in a terrible tone. “You broke the best man I’ve ever known.”_

~~*~~

Coming out of his thoughts, he stopped when he got to the kitchen table and found the bag he’d taken from the station the day before.

It was Buck’s, he knew that, and it had been left behind when Buck had all but run out of there after asking them to meet his wife and kids. Eddie still didn’t know why he’d grabbed it, knew he really shouldn’t have, but…up until he’d collapsed in tears in Athena’s arms, Buck had been holding it like a lifeline. Eddie wanted to know what was in it but hadn’t been able to bring himself to open it last night, especially not after his discussion with Carla and Christopher's reaction.

As he went around the kitchen, putting the clean dishes away and stacking up the dirty dishes to clean once the laundry was done, the damn bag remained on the table, taunting him, teasing him, and generally pissing him off with its very existence.

Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and went and sat down heavily at the table. He took a deep breath and then reached forward to open the bag. It was picture frames, he realized, pulling out the largest, the picture facing down. He flipped it over and then promptly stopped breathing.

It was Buck, clearly, but not the broken man they’d been tearing down seven years ago. This was a man happy again, ecstatic even, as he held a woman in his arms; his wife. 

She was beautiful, he thought numbly, staring at her, at the way she and Buck were leaning into each other as they laughed at something. The picture had obviously been taken before she’d gotten sick and her lips were done up in red, her cheeks were pink and she was just as happy as her husband as she gazed up at him with joy making her brown eyes sparkle.

How could he ever compete with someone who was so clearly Buck’s perfect match? Someone who had put Buck back together when he, Eddie, had broken him?

~~*~~

_Somehow, Eddie hadn’t been surprised when he got to Buck’s apartment building after their shift and found Bobby and Hen already there._

_Without a word, the three of them headed inside and to Buck’s door. Eddie still had no idea what he was going to say but he knew he had to say something. Buck couldn’t just…he couldn’t **leave**. _

_The door opened easily under Bobby’s hand—it had been left unlocked—and the pit that had been sitting in his stomach all shift became a boulder. There was no reason Buck would keep his apartment unlocked—the man locked it even when he went to go and get the mail, for Pete’s sake! The only reason he would…_

_It was empty. Everything that had been in there, every piece of furniture he’d helped Buck and Ali move in before she’d left him, everything he knew the man had painstakingly arranged and set up when he’d been on medical leave for his leg and then the embolism and tsunami…it was all gone._

_The only thing left was his keys and a series of envelopes on the island, each with someone’s name, address, and postage on them. Eddie’s hands shook as he picked up the one for him._

_“He’s not coming back.” Eddie turned to the door and Chimney’s voice. His eyes were red, like he’d been crying and upset, and his face was drawn and pale as he kept his hands in his pockets. “He left LA this morning. Maddie just told me.”_

_“Where did he go?” Hen whispered, cradling her letter. Bobby had collapsed onto the steps, looking dazed and confused._

_And Chimney’s expression broke._

_“I don’t know.”_

~~*~~

Swallowing hard, he put the picture face down so he wouldn’t be confronted with his failures so obviously. Then, hands shaking, he reached into the bag and pulled out the rest of the pictures, four more in total. The first was of the little boy, dressed in a sports uniform and with his foot resting on top of a soccer. Eddie was stunned at how much he looked like Buck—right down to the birthmark over his eye. At the bottom of the photo, next to the number 11, was his name: Tristan. Eddie set it aside.

The other two photos were of little girls; he was fairly certain they were twins. One was sitting on a couch and had chin length brown hair (“like her mother” his traitorous mind noted) and the other was toddling towards the photographer and had hair longer, though hers was pulled back in a brown ponytail. Both had Buck’s laughing blue eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder what his best—what _Buck_ had named his daughters. 

The last photo caused the tears, which had been threatening to fall since the moment he’d seen the first photo, to pour down his cheeks. It was all of them together—a family snapshot. His wife was laughing brightly, eyes closed in hysterics as next to her, Buck flailed under the longer haired twin who was smearing two hands full of what looked like cake on his face. The other girl was laying docile in her mother’s lap, blue eyes crinkled in a smile as she looked up at her parents and sister. The photographer had caught the exact moment Tristan, sitting cross-legged in front, had held up a piece of cake and looked at the camera with a mischievous grin Eddie knew well.

The photo clattered to the table as Eddie put his head in his hands and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs and hides*


End file.
